Why do we crave to be understood?

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Recently, I have been inspired by Sofia and Mark who share their visions every Friday with a brilliant podcast “Conversations in search of an authentic life”.

This week, they have raised a question why we have the need to be understood. To be honest, it’s been a question that is on my mind for some time now. This is what I have replied to them:

I will start with a quote by Soren Kierkegaard “People understand me so poorly that they don’t even understand my complaint about them not understanding me.”

I do agree with you on most parts. I would only say that we *can* possibly understand, perceive and accept a person who has completely different values or opinions, it’s all just matter of how open minded we are. It is very unlikely, though, that we meet such people cuz we try to bond with those who have the same values and feel the understanding for us at first place. But I wouldn’t reject the possibility, I am sure there are people different than us with genuine understanding.

Why do we want to be understood? Very good question to think of. I would also say it’s kind of reassurance for us, like Sofia said, some sort of mirror that perfectly reflects what is inside of us and also what we think it’s not visible. And like Mark said, it’s even better if the reflection is not only how we feel it inside but even better version (if it’s genuine).

For me, there is other side – when I don’t want to be understood. When I feel that kind of person or group of people are simply not worth understanding me. Alas, more often than not, that is the case. It’s way easier to be understood when you’re fitting into numb-nut society caring about shallow things. Right? 🙂 That’s why we have to go for innovative ways and blog, podcast so that we reach the right people.

Anyway, through your podcasts, I do feel understood, even though I sometimes “argue” during the podcasts 😀 So thank you for that and keep it up 🙂

Being in a state I am, there are new things I discover about myself every day. And the funny thing is, that nobody ever understand these new observations unless they went through the same thing – pregnancy.

We’ve been recently in Norway to visit my partner’s friends who live there. They got married just few weeks ago. We were joined by another couple from Poland who are also friends of my fiancee. I always liked his friends until that time. I thought they were very young and crazy but the truth is they have all changed after their marriages. They are very traditional (women separated, men separated all talking about their own bullshit) and very very close minded.

I had the worst week of my life over there. Feeling of being rejected and misunderstood, plus separated from the world that knows me. In their company I felt like an alien, like somebody else. They do speak in a different language but I speak the language fluently. The problem was that none of them went through pregnancy related emotions and situations and they doubted my partner’s happiness.

It’s hard to explain what exactly happened there but I realized that through our life we meet a lot of people. And we tend to discard the ones we don’t really like and bond with those who suits us because they maybe understand us in a great or small way. What I want to say is that I never had to meet with people who I didn’t like because they were either dumb or shallow and now I don’t have a choice. I can’t separate long term friends.

Truth. You know what’s so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they’ve lived without it. No one forgets the truth, they just get better at lying… So in the end, their judgments to us separated them from a person they liked. And I won’t have to push a pram with boring ladies talking about nonsense.

Anyway, there are moments when I crave to be understood more. By myself and the others. But I do have friends and soulmates who will always provide me the genuine feeling.

Introduction

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It seems to me that the state I am in now is best to come back to writing again. My emotions allow me to observe new things, things I have never noticed before. It’s been a pleasurable state of being and I would never say I will enjoy it this much.

Simply said, I am pregnant. And pregnancy package contains new feelings about the world itself. I’d like to share the perspective of unique, pregnant…woman.

That is the first major change since my last blog. The old blog was notion of “Girl, you’ll be a woman, soon”. And it simply happened. I struggled with it, fought it until I realize we all got to the point when we need to be adults.

It took me long to realize that being an adult doesn’t have to mean I need to get settled, routined or just like everybody else. Unfortunately, there are situations when I am pushed to be someone I am not. I am fighting well, even though I am left misunderstood.

About this and more, I will be blogging soon. Hope you will join me on my journey. 🙂

Life on reverse :)

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It’s funny how we go through life and every day feels differently. Whoever thinks is living in the routine is just wrong. Looking at my last post, everything feels different. Like my life has changed completely in just few months. 

Like. Not quite. It has changed forever and I am enjoying this change. There will be a time when I write more about these things. 

But so far, I just wanted to leave a positive post, letting you all know I am doing just great, actually better than ever before. 

Life taught me there will be tough times but I kind of understand that it needs to come sometimes. I guess I really grew up. 

Also, I don’t have many dime store wisdoms to share, I guess it’s because I am surrounded by them every day and don’t need to talk to myself on a blog. 

Life on reverse 🙂

Smile when it hurts most

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So I do. It makes no sense to cry because tears only make people feel sorry for you. They don’t actually mean they are sorry for what they have done. They’re just sorry it made you cry. It must have hurt then.

But it hurts most when you do not cry. When there are no tears left. Tears are emotions. I am empty now. I am dealing with things, once again in my life, which are beyond my maturity level.

I fucked up my life and lives those around me by pretending I can do this all. The truth is, I can’t. I am not ideal.

The truth is also that because of one and one person only, I isolated from the world that I loved. The world full of people who know me and never judge me, from a world that seeks peace, uniqueness and authenticity. When that only person disappoints and leaves you separated, alone and without tears to shed, your world starts to fall. And it is not comfortable to know you might carry his child by now.

Unfortunately, our relationship, our lovely, ideal, crazy-in-love relationship didn’t even last until our 2nd anniversary which is couple of days. It’s life. Just happens.

Now it’s time to grab those fallen pieces from the floor and build something. Maybe a conversation, maybe a new life for each and every one of us. Some people need to fucking decide what they want in life. I thought I knew, yet I am the one that it’s much younger.

I wonder why is that. That the world produced so many kidaults. There’s nothing wrong to go and watch Toy story 3 to me, but there is when an adult has a childish behaviours.

It all comes up to how we were raised. I was raised to be an adult. Some are raised to baby boys. Their problem and they will face it every two year with their new girlfriends when they feel like they already know them.

So life goes on…Happier Endings 🙂

A year has passed…

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It’s been almost a year since I left Slovakia after unsuccessful graduating at high school. I craved to leave despite the fact that I’d leave my best friends – Lubka & pregnant Gulia, great schoolmates, popularity and “fame” that I have gained in my hometown. My old friends and loves, my memories and books. My past.

Everything left behind for new lifestyle of an adult girl who cooks, irons, takes care of her spouse. It took a good amount of time until I became comfortable with that. I fought with the lifestyle. I felt it wasn’t me. Maybe it isn’t but I am happy in the long run. I do feel it’s right and it’s right for me. Maybe doing things the other way around than you’re supposed to is more rewarding. Maybe it’s too soon but maybe I’ll be able to do more soon.

Some people wait to make a career for years and then start doing something authentic. It’s a choice of each and every one of us. I feel my path is the right one.

For the past 9 days I’ve been in Slovakia I realized a lot. One thing is very disappointing, though.

I hate UK intensely, I hate the job I do, I hate the house and most of the people who live there…The only thing I love is my fiancee. But more often than not, he is the only person who keeps me alive.

I only on my way to get to know my future home Poland. My friend’s there are friends of my fiancee. I like most of them, there are few even now who I can rely on. But when it comes to that, I don’t want to bother them too much. I don’t know where’s my place in their lives.

I came here to Slovakia. My best friend Lubka is busy working as a waitress most of the days of the week. She has a difficult life, she needs to help her grandma with household. In her free time, which is short, she craves to spend it with her boyfriend and it’s understandable. Gulia is brilliant, full of life, despite her situation. Life beats her everyday but she was blessed… her son Daniel is just amazing happy child.

Slovakia lives without me just as well as with me. I know they miss me, I miss them. But they learned to live on as I did. Even though I miss Slovakia way too much and when I am away I feel this is my home. But having no family here except for my mom…it really isn’t.

So I realized today…I have no home yet… I don’t know what I would do without my fiancee… He makes my life worthwhile. I know I could live happy life even if we never met but I am glad we did. I know he’s the one who has a very nice conception of home and family and he teaches me that well.

But for today, I am a lonely child. On my very own. A year has passed… Very quickly…

The feeling of coming home

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I don’t really know where to start. Maybe with how I took a holiday, sat in the car with my fiancee and let UK to see my future homeland Poland for third time. A week spent over there went so quickly. I didn’t even have the time meet all of my new potential friends and family. All in all, it felt good.

On our way to Poland we got a crazy idea that I can take one of our cars in Poland and drove to Slovakia as long as the car has already been repaired. To my surprise, my wildest dream came true. On a Friday afternoon, I took a car for 800 km ride to my homeland Slovakia. It was tiring, stressful but in the end I was happy to cross the border in the early Saturday morning and sang from the happiness I felt. Two days later, I have done almost everything I wanted to do and I want to go back. But I still got 12 days.

I have met with two best friends Lubka and Gulia. Lubka lives in my town Presov, she works as a waitress. Gulia got pregnant while we were still graduating and now she takes care about his little son and next child on its way. She lives 55 km away from me but I try to drive there as much as I can.

Today I’ve spent whole day with her. And it’s a day when I maybe for the first time faced the cruel truth of life, the life of a poor. I wish I always realized how happy and satisfied I am. I know it 99% of the time and I can’t believe today that I ever doubt anything that I have.

I don’t know what to say really. I thought the post will be at least somewhat inspiring and meaningful… but life made me speechless today yet I felt that if I don’t write about something I will be quiet like I became on my old blog. And I don’t want that to happen again. It’s still life that it’s happening and I should capture it.

And the world awakened in new colors

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I have decided to do it again. My last and hopefully successful attempt to write again. It might have been year ago when I silenced myself on my blogs and wrote very very occasionally. I had a feeling that I can’t express myself anymore the way I used to.

It might be true, too. But there is no reason for me not to continue to write about my thoughts, experiences, loves and happiness. So I am back, under name Blissinka this time, what is some sort of nickname and cute expression from the word Bliss that I use as my contemporary art surname.

The ones who know me, please call me here “Bliss” since I don’t want google to link my blog to my official real name. That’s why I have moved here in the end.

I have moved my blog for several more reasons. I am very different person from what I used to be. We all change and change is necessary at some point. I came to a completely different environment and dealt with completely different situations that formed me to what I am now.

I’d been sad for a long time about that. I couldn’t accept the changes made and always looked back on the time when I was 17 or 18. I do consider that time to be the time of my life. Such freedom, carelessness and bliss I might never experience again.

But my world awakened in new colors. I accept myself the way I am and I am proud of myself and things I have done in my past and present. I know that in my soul I haven’t changed a bit and that’s why I should continue to write and express myself.

I have never been so positive about my future either. Even though I have job that I don’t like at all, I have all the other stuff sorted completely.

I am sure I’ll write about everything soon. There’s no rush. I will use this blog for personal stuff but also as a space for me to think and explore my own ideas through writing. I hope you’ll be with me and be part of my journey.

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