A year has passed…

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It’s been almost a year since I left Slovakia after unsuccessful graduating at high school. I craved to leave despite the fact that I’d leave my best friends – Lubka & pregnant Gulia, great schoolmates, popularity and “fame” that I have gained in my hometown. My old friends and loves, my memories and books. My past.

Everything left behind for new lifestyle of an adult girl who cooks, irons, takes care of her spouse. It took a good amount of time until I became comfortable with that. I fought with the lifestyle. I felt it wasn’t me. Maybe it isn’t but I am happy in the long run. I do feel it’s right and it’s right for me. Maybe doing things the other way around than you’re supposed to is more rewarding. Maybe it’s too soon but maybe I’ll be able to do more soon.

Some people wait to make a career for years and then start doing something authentic. It’s a choice of each and every one of us. I feel my path is the right one.

For the past 9 days I’ve been in Slovakia I realized a lot. One thing is very disappointing, though.

I hate UK intensely, I hate the job I do, I hate the house and most of the people who live there…The only thing I love is my fiancee. But more often than not, he is the only person who keeps me alive.

I only on my way to get to know my future home Poland. My friend’s there are friends of my fiancee. I like most of them, there are few even now who I can rely on. But when it comes to that, I don’t want to bother them too much. I don’t know where’s my place in their lives.

I came here to Slovakia. My best friend Lubka is busy working as a waitress most of the days of the week. She has a difficult life, she needs to help her grandma with household. In her free time, which is short, she craves to spend it with her boyfriend and it’s understandable. Gulia is brilliant, full of life, despite her situation. Life beats her everyday but she was blessed… her son Daniel is just amazing happy child.

Slovakia lives without me just as well as with me. I know they miss me, I miss them. But they learned to live on as I did. Even though I miss Slovakia way too much and when I am away I feel this is my home. But having no family here except for my mom…it really isn’t.

So I realized today…I have no home yet… I don’t know what I would do without my fiancee… He makes my life worthwhile. I know I could live happy life even if we never met but I am glad we did. I know he’s the one who has a very nice conception of home and family and he teaches me that well.

But for today, I am a lonely child. On my very own. A year has passed… Very quickly…

The feeling of coming home

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I don’t really know where to start. Maybe with how I took a holiday, sat in the car with my fiancee and let UK to see my future homeland Poland for third time. A week spent over there went so quickly. I didn’t even have the time meet all of my new potential friends and family. All in all, it felt good.

On our way to Poland we got a crazy idea that I can take one of our cars in Poland and drove to Slovakia as long as the car has already been repaired. To my surprise, my wildest dream came true. On a Friday afternoon, I took a car for 800 km ride to my homeland Slovakia. It was tiring, stressful but in the end I was happy to cross the border in the early Saturday morning and sang from the happiness I felt. Two days later, I have done almost everything I wanted to do and I want to go back. But I still got 12 days.

I have met with two best friends Lubka and Gulia. Lubka lives in my town Presov, she works as a waitress. Gulia got pregnant while we were still graduating and now she takes care about his little son and next child on its way. She lives 55 km away from me but I try to drive there as much as I can.

Today I’ve spent whole day with her. And it’s a day when I maybe for the first time faced the cruel truth of life, the life of a poor. I wish I always realized how happy and satisfied I am. I know it 99% of the time and I can’t believe today that I ever doubt anything that I have.

I don’t know what to say really. I thought the post will be at least somewhat inspiring and meaningful… but life made me speechless today yet I felt that if I don’t write about something I will be quiet like I became on my old blog. And I don’t want that to happen again. It’s still life that it’s happening and I should capture it.